Transparency

It surely has been a while since writing a blog and I truly apologize for being ghost. Who would have thought that writing blogs could bring different things to the forefront. I tend to only blog when I feel the need to and if something is weighing on my heart. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have anything to write about since the year has begun, because I have. I struggled with transparency. I have plenty to say but in a way feared the possibility of being judged by those who are reading my work. I didn't know if I was ready to let everyone into my world. My hard exterior that I put up had to be taken down. 

It's so funny how The Lord works because this originally was ONLY suppose to be a fashion blog debuting a few outfits of the days and trends. Not a blog consisting of my deep inner thoughts but as I continued to write I felt the need to share things that The Lord placed on my heart. I would have never thought In a million years that the girl who everyone deemed to be mean and rude could be so inspiring. It blows my mind to this day that people think that my blogs are inspiring. The more I think about it the more I say thank you to The Lord because this change that has occurred within me I am not responsible for. I AM IN NO WAY RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYTHING THAT HAS OCCURRD THUS FAR!!! I vow to wholeheartedly be open and transparent with what is going on in my life and will no longer worry about the opinions of others. So with that being said let's get started on what's really been going on. HERE'S THE REAL TEA!! 

My life has to be the most misunderstood, judged, complicated, thing EVER! People who know NOTHING about me continue to make up things based on what they may see. I'm the girl with the huge personality, extremely bubbly, fashionable, and seems to be spoiled. But little do they know the girl who rocks designer handbags and smiles all the time was once empty and unhappy. It's hard living a life where everyone around you thinks your life is so great when it really isn't. It is times where I really felt sick to my stomach based off of the things people say about me. "She thinks she's all that" "She is loud and obnoxious" "She is so conceited " when in actuality I think none of those things. It's so crazy how misunderstood I really am. It used to hurt my feelings when people take the things they see and use them to attack your character. I always questioned what was I doing so differently from any other girl? It's okay for someone else to take pictures of themselves, dress nicely, like nice things, and etc but when I do it I'm considered a cocky, mean, cold hearted person. 

I can honestly say the old me would not have cared about the things I hear but this new person is hurt. I am a firm believer of using the negativity as a form of motivation but how much can you truly handle, when people have the MOST to say about you all the time? That's when I had to have  a self check and take a couple of steps back and let The Lord handle my light work because that's just what it is. 

I'm just a girl who is on the road to a womanhood that I've never experienced. I don't know everything  but I do know more than I did yesterday. I am learning more each day and I'm fully embracing everything that's happening around me.

The opinions of others are just a distraction that I no longer have time for. I have given my attention to things that don't aid in the prosperity of my well being. I ask The Lord to continue to shape me into a better person daily. It's not so ironic to me that I didn't start to notice the negativity until I began to change. With growth comes uncomfortableness. You have to become so comfortable with uncomfortableness. I'm starting to embrace being uncomfortable for I know once I pass one level I will come out even more refined.

~CarrieSierra